


love made public

by maknae-mess (InLust)



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Actresses AU, Aged up characters, Drama, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Homophobic microaggressions, Romance, mini series, romcom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:33:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28154661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InLust/pseuds/maknae-mess
Summary: It's not that Sooyoung hates Kang Seulgi, it's just that she's really skeptical of the veteran actress. Everyone in the industry is so fake, but Kang Seulgi seems to be the least of them.aka actresses au
Relationships: Kang Seulgi/Park Sooyoung | Joy
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> this is crossposted from asianfanfics but honestly i might have more fun notes on this side hahahah 
> 
> i'm glad you guys don't know what goes on in my mind because there are like 2 wenrene projects i've got incomplete that i havent even started to post yet and yet here i am going off the rails to write a joygi fic...but you know what? it's fine IT WILL ALL WORK OUT I JUST MISS ALL THE SHIPS 
> 
> anyway, this was mainly written because of a trope i wanted to reuse over and over, if you can guess what it is then i will write (1) prompt suggestion and weave it into the story before the end
> 
> this is a mini series so im expecting about 6-7 parts
> 
> also yeah show some love if you want me to finish this and not get distracted 
> 
> ALSO NOTE ABOUT THE RATING M: def some adult themes, homophobic microaggressions, swearing, and some smut

It’s not that Sooyoung hates her, it’s just that she’s very skeptical of her. 

Kang Seulgi has been in the industry for almost twice as long as Sooyoung has been, starting from a child actor on a daytime drama, to teenage sweetheart on primetime drama, to girl crush movie actress. Apparently Kang Seulgi ages like fine wine and is beloved by everyone for her perfect image. 

To everyone it may be perfect, but to Sooyoung, she knows that there _has_ to be something **wrong** with Seulgi. No one can be in the industry this long and be _that_ **perfect**. Everyone has cracks in their personality; not even bad ones, but just enough to ruin them from being the nation’s sweetheart. 

_“I hear that you’re working with Park Joy in an upcoming project. How do you feel about that?”_ the interviewer suddenly brings up. 

Sooyoung hadn’t been listening much, but since she hears her name, she pauses scrolling on her phone to listen as her hair stylist works her magic. She glances up at the screen in the mirror to see Kang Seulgi.

“ _Oh yes! I’ve seen her work before and I love her style,_ ” Kang Seulgi responds with a bright smile. Her cheeks get all puffy and her eyes turn into perfect crescents like she’s genuinely happy about working with her. “ _I look forward to working with her very much._ ” 

Sooyoung bites the urge to roll her eyes. There’s no way that Kang Seulgi of all people has the time of day to watch her stuff, nowadays she’s in indie movies and web dramas.

“ _Really? What have you seen her in?_ ” 

“ _Most recently, I loved her in Fight for Your Love_.” Sooyoung’s eyes widen unconsciously at the mention of her most recent project, after all, it was a little too... _ **progressive**_ for the country.

Even the interviewer is surprised and instantly jumps on the line of questions. “ _You’ve seen that movie? It’s caused quite a buzz in the industry considering it was a very stark departure from Park Joy’s teenage sweetheart image.”_

More like it was a complete 180. Park Joy’s image went from innocent teenage girl to lesbian icon according to her manager. Her CEO had not been happy she went forward with accepting the project, but considering the payoff, he had no choice but to let her. And it was a project she really wanted because she could finally express herself. 

“ _Of course! I wanted to see what my co-star was up to recently._ ” Kang Seulgi goes on enthusiastically, as if watching a lesbian drama film won’t impact her image. “ _I think Park Joy did a great job of portraying a character caught between filial piety and being true to one self. Without giving away too much, it was a performance that I’m sure many people could resonate with because we all want to find someone who loves us as we are. So, it’s definitely worth the buzz._ ”

Sooyoung is surprised at the answer. Not only did Kang Seulgi manage to skirt the glaringly obvious direction of a scandal ( **headline** : _Kang Seulgi watches lesbian film!_ ) but she had understood the crux of what Sooyoung wanted to achieve by taking on the project. 

“ _Oh, well--”_ the interviewer is also flustered by the actress’s nonchalant response. She shuffles the cue card in her hands before she says, “ _we are just about ready to wrap it up. Do you have any last words for fans about your upcoming project?_ ” 

Kang Seulgi nods diligently and looks at the camera with her signature grin. “ _Thank you for your love and support and I hope that you enjoy Trial by Fire coming out this winter._” She playfully waves both hands at the screen and it looks ridiculously cute as the interviewer closes out the interview. 

Sooyoung stares at the veteran actress who had the gall to admit she’s seen her controversial film on national news. Kang Seulgi and her innocent face, bright smile, and charmingly intellectual personality can win over the nation, but Sooyoung can and will remain skeptical. After all, no one is that perfect.


	2. chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i posted like two other stories before coming back to update this but this chapter is kind of like a promise i'll finish this so i hope you like it and please let me know what you think below! (also im working 9 days in a row so it might be 2-3 weeks from now that i can update)

“So you have a table reading this morning until noon, then the promotional photoshoot, and you have the radio show before the interview with _Behind the Velvet_ tonight,” her new manager, Yeri, reads off diligently from her leather bound notebook.

It isn’t her notebook though, it’s her old manager’s notebook. Her old manager that abandoned her for another ward. Sooyoung still doesn't understand Wendy's abrupt departure from being her manager to take care of ' _personal_ ' matters. Wendy's personal dedication was to Velvet Entertainment as far as Sooyoung knows.

“Oh hmm... _also_ ,” Yeri clears her throat before reading off, “it’s important that you keep your spirits high, so we will have lunch on the way to the photoshoot. _Yeri: please get unadon_ \--” Yeri pauses and Joy looks up from her phone in amusement at the young manager realizing how obvious she was being.

“Wendy unnie left you detailed notes huh?” Sooyoung teases as she leans over to look at Yeri’s notebook.

There are in fact two sticky notes with Wendy’s handwriting.

“Cheer up Joy with this,” Sooyoung reads aloud the title of the sticky Yeri was just reading from before moving on to the one underneath. “And remind Joy: your co-stars may not be your friends, but please be nice to them.” She chuckles in amusement before handing the notes back to Yeri, who stares at her with wide eyes.

“How worried should I be?” Yeri asks with concern. She’s still too new to be a manager but Wendy had a lot of faith in her to take care of Sooyoung.

Sooyoung shakes her head. “Wendy unnie is exaggerating. I’m always nice.”

\----------------------------

Sooyoung isn’t lying when she says she’s nice. Or at least she tries to be. But when you come back from playing a lesbian for an international entry film, there are two responses: distaste or fetishism.

Either way, Sooyoung was about to throw her coffee at Kang Julien for making a joke at her at the craft service table in the back of the room. She could do it and walk right out because the door was right there anyway.

“It’ll be interesting to play an innocent straight girl again, huh?” he says as he picks up a donut to eat. Sooyoung used to think he was hot until he opened his mouth around her. “But I guess it’s okay since Heechul is pretty enough to be a girl.”

Sooyoung tries not to snap because (1) Wendy asked her to be nice and (2) her Joohyun unnie was already in trouble for snapping (a bit of an understatement) at her latest set. She can still play the sweet teenage dream girl when the situation arises for it, but honestly, she's getting kind of tired of it. She'll just do it though. Just to get through this drama.

That way she can get back to her life. 

“Ah, Joy-ssi, you’re here.”

Kang Seulgi suddenly appears before her, inserting herself between Sooyoung and Julien. Her presence was enough to make Julien take a step back mid bite of his donut. She has her adorable cheeky smile like she’s happy to see Sooyoung and it’s alarming. She's friendly. Too friendly for Sooyoung's liking.

“Kang Seulgi sunbaenim,” Sooyoung greets carefully, glancing at Julien, who stands there looking a bit miffed that Seulgi basically ignores his existence for a brief moment.

“You don’t have to call me sunbaenim,” Seulgi waves her hand between them. “We are going to have a lot of scenes together, so you can just call me unnie.” Sooyoung internally balks at the intimate honorific because this is only the second time they’ve met. Seulgi reaches for a pack of crackers and a juice and finally notices Julien. “Hi oppa, how are you doing?”

Julien’s eyes are scanning Seulgi in a way that Sooyoung hates. She’s seen that nasty look on his face on her and other models. Seulgi is just being kind and he’s mistaking it for something else completely. “I’m better now that you’re here,” his line is so greasy that Sooyoung wants to gag. “When are we going to spend time together?” His flirting is so obvious.

Seulgi actually looks like she’s thinking about it and gives him a sad look. “I’m sorry it’s been so busy. I’m sure we will get to spend time when filming is over,” she pats his bicep encouragingly.

He even glances at her hand on his bicep and Sooyoung rolls her eyes. “I’ll hold you to it, Seulgi,” he coyly says.

Apparently, the flirtation goes over Seulgi’s head because she just nods and agrees. “Of course!” But then she turns to Sooyoung. “Shall we go sit?” Sooyoung is startled by the sudden redirect. It must show on her face because Seulgi giggles. “Your seat is next to mine.”

“Oh,” Sooyoung manages. She feels the back of her neck heat up because of how dumb she sounds. “Sure, let’s sit.”

Seulgi gestures in the direction for Sooyoung to start walking first and to be honest, it’s weird. The only other woman that does that for her is Wendy but that’s because she’s chivalrous (and greasy) as part of her queer image. Sooyoung lets herself be led to her seat with Seulgi at her elbow and she can’t help but be on guard.

First the unnie thing. Now this gallant thing. And _oh_ , Seulgi pulls out Sooyoung’s seat for her.

For the life of her, she can’t understand Seulgi because she’s almost exactly the same as she appears on tv. Her sweet face, calm voice, and professional demeanor are an unshakeable and consistent image. What people have said about her work ethic is also very true because she comes prepared with notes on her script and questions, waiting politely for the writer and director to share (sometimes even raising her hand when they don’t stop to ask).

“ _It’s late, you should go home, Jieun,_ ” Heechul reads his line in a tender, fatherly voice.

Sooyoung lets out a small sigh, it’s not scripted but her character is working late into the night. “ _I’m okay, Jongkook-sunbae, I still have a lot of work to do._ ”

_Jieun is extremely stressed. She feels in over her head as she shuffles through the pile of cases. The growing frustration of the previous lawyer’s poor work fuels her disregard and she gets a papercut._

_“Ouch!”_

_Jongkook crosses the room quickly to assess Jieun’s wound. He doesn’t hesitate to hold her hand._

_“Are you okay?”_

“ _Yes, I’m okay._ ” Sooyoung imagines Jieun taking her hand away from Jongkook’s because she wants to get back to work. “ _It’s an occupational hazard I suppose._ ”

There’s a pause and Sooyoung looks up from her script and sees Heechul hesitate with his next line.

“Joy-ssi, there was still direction,” the writer points out. “This is their first moment alone together in the office; we can take our time and let the romance blossom.”

Sooyoung looks stunned and glances at her script.

_Time seems to slow down. Jieun feels warmed by Jongkook’s touch. A new sensation fills her heart at being touched for the first time---_

She furrows her brow in consternation. She totally read this but she elected to ignore it because she knows her character is young but she’s not some virgin maiden.

“Jieun seems very career oriented,” Seulgi suddenly says, cutting off Sooyoung’s mind search for the most diplomatic way to put things. “I’m sure Joy-ssi had that image in mind. It’s hard to concentrate on romance when she’s got mountains of work to do.” She looks at Sooyoung with an encouraging smile.

“It’s not really the image we’re going for entirely,” the writer hesitantly points out. “Jieun is a good foil for your character, Seulgi--”

It bothers her that Seulgi interjects on her behalf because Julien, sitting across the room from her, says something to the actor that plays his assistant with a smug smile. The both of them have knowing, shit eating grins on their faces as they glance at Sooyoung.

His comment from earlier comes to the forefront of her mind.

Sooyoung feels her blood boil inside of her. She’s a good actress. And she can play any role she wants. Even if she hates it. “Writer-nim, I’ll read the line again,” she offers firmly. She can feel Seulgi’s eyes on her and she ignores it. “Jieun is very career oriented but she is a romantic at heart.”

The writer and director look satisfied and Sooyoung feels a bit of pride as she rereads the line with a bit less exasperation and a little bit more sweetness. In the end, Jongkook ends up blushing because of Jieun, so the product was more than what the writer could ask for. Yet, she still feels Seulgi’s eyes regarding her and she purses her lips as if she’s unsatisfied with her performance.

Sooyoung tries not to let it bother her as they continue to read the scripts.

\----------------------------

Seulgi seems to keep a close eye on Sooyoung as the rest of the script reading goes. It makes Sooyoung shift uncomfortably in her seat, but she tries not to show it. She’s been under plenty of peoples’ gazes before. Men with their unwarranted advances and women with their petty scrutiny. Seulgi’s gaze differs from them because she just looks so curiously at her.

Sooyoung does her best to ignore the older actress. After all she is a professional. And like she promised Wendy: _be nice_.

Sooyoung thanks everyone on the writing staff, the cast, and the directors before she leaves first to make her way to the venue. Yeri has the sense to slip into the reading room to make her presence known to Sooyoung so she can make her escape sooner, citing her new manager’s time based schedule.

Yeri remembers to bring her unadon so she can eat along the way to the venue.

“So how was she?” Yeri eagerly asks.

“ _She_?” Sooyoung parrots with her mouth full of food.

“ ** _Kang Seulgi_** ,” the young manager emphasizes. “I saw her but I didn’t have the nerve to say hello. She’s prettier in real life.”

Sooyoung lets out a small sound and swallows her food. “She’s Kang Seulgi,” she shrugs as she takes another bite. She doesn’t know what more she can say. She’s still trying to decipher the woman herself.

Yeri frowns and forges on for more information.”Is she as nice as she is on television? I hear she’s really witty and comes up with her own lines. Did she do that today?”

Sooyoung really doesn’t want to think about Kang Seulgi because it just reminds her of how the woman stared at her. The thought alone suddenly makes Sooyoung’s heart race because all she sees is those perfect almond shaped monolid eyes with deep brown irises. “Why are you asking?” she retorts, chewing loudly. “Do you want to be her manager or something?”

Yeri grumbles and turns back in her seat. “I was just _curious_ ,” she pouts and crosses her arms. “I guess I can find out myself.”

Sooyoung huffs and stuffs her meal into her mouth.

\----------------------------

Their outfits are sharp, classy, and expensive. As young lawyers, Sooyoung is pretty sure no one can afford to look this good coming out of law school, but in the world of dramas, they’re expected to look nothing less. Sooyoung is decked out in a power suit that hugs every inch of her body. The material is soft and shimmering as she slips on the deep blue blazer on top of the cream silk blouse. Her hair is up in a high ponytail and fashioned with side bangs that make her look like she just graduated from school.

Sooyoung looks at herself in the mirror and realizes that she actually does look innocent at the moment. It’s a jarring look from how she actually is.

When she steps out of the dressing room, Kang Seulgi also happens to do the same. Sooyoung’s eyes go wide when she sees the older woman dressed in a tight black skirt that is 10cm above her knees that hugs her hips and shows her shapely thighs and a powerfully red blouse that hugs her waist and shapes her bosom. She’s carrying her matching black blazer as she balances on one leg to fix her tall stiletto heel and her perfectly black hair falls to one side revealing the expanse of her neck.

Sooyoung feels her throat go dry as she gawks at the older woman.

Kang Seulgi sees her out of the corner of her eyes and smiles as she stands. “Joy-ah, did you eat?” she asks, approaching the younger actress.

“Y-yes, Seulgi-ssi,” she manages to stutter out because there are butterflies fluttering about inside of her suddenly.

Seulgi chuckles. “I see,” she says, slipping on her blazer. The padded shoulders and tapered waist only emphasize her figure and Sooyoung can’t help but glance between them. “Do you have a schedule after this?”

Sooyoung forces herself to get her thoughts together because the veteran actress is mere inches from her. The same actress that she’s been annoyed and confused about all day. “Yes. I have a radio show and an interview.”

Seulgi nods thoughtfully to herself with a small smile on her face. It’s like it never disappears, not that Sooyoung has noticed or anything. “Let’s walk together,” she says. Once again, she gestures for Sooyoung to walk beside her from the dressing rooms.

In the small hallway, the crew thins out until it’s just the two of them halfway down the hall. In the distance, they can hear the music and shutters clicking as the men are getting their photos taken.

“It was nice how you handled the situation earlier,” Seulgi says when no one is around. Though, it seems like the only sound that fills the hallway is the clicking of her expensive heels.

“Mm?” Sooyoung looks at the older woman in confusion.

“When the writer mentioned the first time Jieun was supposedly touched by a man,” Seulgi clarifies, her voice a bit tight, gone was the levity and gentleness. “I thought your first interpretation of Jieun was fine as is. She’s a young woman focused on her future aspirations.”

“Oh,” Sooyoung feels awkward at the mention. “It wasn’t right of me to do that.” She disagrees, but she’s trying to play nice and not cause problems. “She is written to be more romantic.”

Seulgi stops walking, the clicking of her heels stops. A hand falls on Sooyoung’s forearm to catch her attention. “Your interpretation of a strong young woman should be recognized. Jieun may be written as a foil of Miyoung, but she can also be a complement.”

Sooyoung feels her heart start to race as Seulgi’s hand seems to burn a hole in her suit jacket. The butterflies in her chest are teeming furiously and she doesn’t know how to handle it. She tries to keep in mind that while Seulgi’s notes are valid, they could be thinly veiled criticisms that could be used against her. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your art to please those men.”

In the midst of all the butterflies fluttering, she feels them scatter as her armored heart clangs into the bottom of her stomach. “Excuse me?” she snatches her arm back.

Seulgi doesn’t seem surprised by the sudden movement. She keeps her eyes on Sooyoung. “Your initial concept of Jieun was perfect, but you changed it because of what the writer said. You shouldn’t make Jieun into some innocent virgin maiden who falls in love with such a simple act of kindness.”

Sooyoung feels something in her start to burn. For Seulgi to say that she sacrificed her art to please some men is the highest offense that she could possibly commit. It’s a criticism of her work ethic, her character, her life. No one talks to her like that.

Sooyoung advances on the older woman, straightening her back until the few inches she has on Seulgi makes the older woman look up at her. She steps forward and Seulgi moves backwards like it’s a dance until her back hits the wall and they’re almost chest to chest. The fury inside of her grows and Sooyoung brings her hand up against the wall with a thump beside Seulgi’s face.

The older woman doesn’t even flinch and it bothers Sooyoung even more.

“Kang Seulgi- _ssi_ ,” she clenches her teeth, trying to slow herself down from saying the wrong things despite all the ire ready to pour out from her. “You don’t know me well enough to say such things. I take my craft very seriously and would never sacrifice it on a whim to please anyone. How I interpret and express my character is my own choice. Don’t _ever_ say something like that to me again.”

Seulgi stares at Sooyoung, eyes firmly on hers. The deep brown irises that are warm and friendly shrink as her pupils widen. She unconsciously licks her lips; the action immediately catches Sooyoung’s attention.

Everything immediately follows. Their proximity: chest to chest, breath on breath, heat meeting heat. Sooyoung is furious but when she sees Seulgi’s glossy lips the fluttering inside her chest steals her breath. And the older actress tips her head ever so slightly. It attracts Sooyoung like a magnet and she finds herself leaning in.

“Actress Park? Actress Kang?” the assistant photographer’s voice breaks the spell between them.

Both of them turn to the sound of their names being called. Sooyoung is acutely aware of her sudden position over the older woman and swallows hard as she peels her angry palm down by her side. The fluttering in her chest rages on as she walks away from Seulgi. All she can do is force herself to breathe in and out as she makes her way down the hall towards the shoot.

It takes all her will to not turn back to check on the veteran actress. She doesn’t have to when the memory of Seulgi’s wet lips assault her mind.

_Was I about to kiss her?_

_I must be going crazy._


	3. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wish i could be more sorry but ive been really wracking my brain about how i want to end this that i havent put stock into updating chapters because i want to give a complete work but nevertheless I AM WHOLLY DETERMINED TO FINISH THIS so thank you for your patience 
> 
> enjoy some side wenrene for this chapter and the next chapter!

The promotion schedule hits Sooyoung like a dump truck. The week after their initial table reading is the hardest on her because she’s still attending follow up interviews for _Fight for Your Love_. There’s a bit of tension with the producer and director when she misses the first half of a radio show because she’s caught in rush hour traffic. 

It isn’t like she did it on purpose but she can see the skeptical look on the other actor’s faces when she peeks into the room during their intermission. She does her best to hold her head up high as she walks over to take her seat beside Heechul. 

Apparently he has a bag of fruit gummies hidden in his suit jacket and he leans over to pull them out for her. “You must be tired,” he says sympathetically. 

Sooyoung smiles gratefully at the older man and takes a few gummies. “Thank you,” she says with a gentle smile. “I’m glad you have useful things in your pockets.” 

Heechul chuckles. “Well, if I’ve learned anything is that I’m always hungry, so best to always keep snacks on me.” 

Sooyoung nods in agreement. “I’ll have to tell my stylist,” she notes as she pops a gummy into her mouth. 

There’s a tap on her shoulder and she jumps to the sudden touch. Seulgi is standing behind her looking stylishly comfortable in her royal blue Portofino shirt under a tan windowpane patterned blazer and tight jeans. Her black hair perfectly frames her face today as every other day. Seulgi's eyes are on her and trails to the space between Sooyoung and Heechul. Or lack there of. They know each other by proxy with Heechul having been her Joohyun unnie's costar a few times. Sooyoung doesn't think much about their personal space when she feels comfortable with him. Heechul is harmless unlike Julien who always grates her nerves.

“Seulgi-ssi,” Sooyoung sits up in her chair, no longer huddling with her co-star over gummies. Heechul is still leaning on his arm rest as he waves to Seulgi with a cheerful smile. She doesn't know why she shies away from Heechul under Seulgi's watchful gaze. 

“How did the interview go?” Seulgi asks. There's a small smile on her face with her eyes bright with attentiveness and curiosity. Sooyoung doesn't know why the older actress would be so curious about her day when she probably has millions of other things she could be thinking of. 

“Fine,” Sooyoung answers simply. 

The last two weeks after their little hallway chat, Sooyoung tried her best to avoid being alone with Seulgi. She had asked Yeri to stay near her on several occasions to furtively put the girl on _Seulgi patrol_. It helped because Yeri was such a big fan of the actress that Sooyoung always knew where she was. 

Sooyoung didn’t go out of her way to talk to Seulgi, but Seulgi always managed to find a way to talk to her. It was general small talk, checking in on her and seeing how she’s doing. Apparently Seulgi is aware of her activities that at the beginning of last week, she received a fruit basket to wish her good luck on her appearance on _Amazing Saturday_.

She really can’t get this woman. What was she trying to do? Why was she still being nice? Couldn’t she get the hint that Sooyoung wanted to put some distance between them? After all, shouldn’t she be a little scared after Sooyoung warned her off? Then again, Sooyoung realized after that moment in the halls that she should count her blessings that Seulgi didn't go to _Dispatch_ and recount the whole scene. That probably could've ruined her more than Joohyun ripping into that stylist because Kang Seulgi is well...Kang Seulgi.

“Did you need something?” Sooyoung carefully asks, making it seem more friendly than hostile. 

Seulgi shakes her head. “I just wanted to check in,” she answers. She turns to go when she turns back around and holds out a bottle of juice for her. “And give you this.” 

Sooyoung looks at the bottle of pomegranate juice before her and takes it from Seulgi’s hand, her ring and pinky finger brush down Seulgi’s thumb and forefinger before she can even stop herself. The contact is like electricity between the two and Sooyoung lets go of the bottle like it was the one that shocked her. It most definitely wasn’t; it was Seulgi’s soft hand underneath hers. 

Seulgi is still holding onto the bottle, hand grasping it tightly as if she anticipated Sooyoung would let go. In a swift movement, she props the bottle up by the bottom, presenting it to Sooyoung to take it by the cap. _That was pretty smooth._ Sooyoung mutters a thank you and quickly takes the bottle as the DJ calls them back for the end of intermission. 

She feels her cheeks warm at the strange moment that just happened and glances behind her as Seulgi takes a step up on the platform to take her seat next to Julien. 

Her heart thumps a few times as she drinks the juice, mindful of how she touched Seulgi’s hand. Her soft hand. Sooyoung pushes the thought to the back of her mind.

Luckily, they’re all actors. The weird tension of missing a cast member dissipates now that Sooyoung is there. Their growing sense of camaraderie was at least apparent even though they weren’t all close. Interviews are something that Sooyoung is good at after intense training with Wendy, who prided on preparation in everything. What she learned about interviews on the fly is how to improvise because if something caught her off guard and she didn’t know how to respond, she had to get ready for backlash. So all of her words needed to be perfectly crafted. Her words could be crafted to Wendy's standards but her temper begs to be wrangled in desperately. 

DJ Eric suddenly directs his attention to her with, “Joy-ssi, you play Hwang Jieun, a young attorney fresh out of school with a very passionate approach to the justice system. After _Fight for Your Love_ , it seems like you are playing quite dynamic characters. How does Jieun compare to your previous role?” 

Sooyoung really liked playing Jisoo more right off the bat because it was a personal story for her, but that’s not something you can say on national broadcast. 

“Ah, well that’s hard to choose,” Sooyoung plays it friendly, “they’re very different because of the context. I like Hwang Jieun because she’s passionate about her work and the people that she works with so that gives her a lot of purpose and drive.”

“It sounds a bit like Kim Miyoung,” DJ Donnie. 

Seulgi chuckles. “Right, right. You’ll see our characters interact a lot throughout the series.” 

Sooyoung glances back at the interjection, almost thrown by Seulgi's voice. She forges forward and nods in agreement. “Our characters definitely serve the same side but our approaches are also quite different.”

“That’s good, we like to hear that. It creates more conversation and dialogue between female characters.” 

Sooyoung smiles at Eric, thankful for his thoughtful interpretation. 

Donnie has a glint in his eyes and proceeds with, “Will you be playing the same _type_ of character as your previous movie?” 

Sooyoung pauses at the sudden question. It wasn’t just what he asked that felt startling but _how_ he asked it. Even Eric glances at Donnie, trying to cover his surprise. She feels an eyeroll about to come out of her face. But she has to stop herself or she'll be in trouble for being rude. Instead she pretends to be ignorant.  She lets out an awkward chuckle, “I think that DJ Eric pointed out the similarities between Jieun and Jisoo in his question.” 

The air in the studio shifts. 

Behind her, the air grows tense. 

“Ah,” Julien snaps like he discovered something. Sooyoung’s blood runs cold as he continues to speak and she can't bear to look back at him because she might actually tell him to shut the fuck up. “I think he means _your_ preference--I mean _Jieun’s_ preference.” 

There's something that snaps in Sooyoung. Ever since the first day, Sooyoung has had a terrible feeling towards Julien and it's only gotten worse. She abhors the man in all his basic respect to his gender and she feels bad for men like Heechul who are a million times better than he is. She doesn't know if Julien can tell that she's anything but straight (not that it's any of his business), but for him to use it to stir controversy is unacceptable. She just hates that she can't call him out on it, especially not during a national broadcast. 

Sooyoung glances back at him, seeing Heechul shift in his seat next to her, trying to look impassive as ever. She sees the smug look on Julien’s face that makes her insides twist. She forces a smile on her face before she looks over to Donnie. “Ahh, I see what you mean.” 

“Yes, it seems like you gained quite a following of _that_ demographic,” Donnie points out. “I’m sure they’ll want to see it again.” 

Sooyoung’s insides continue to twist. _**That demographic.**_ She clenches the mic in her hand because she can see the mockery in his eyes. She doesn't know who she wants to call out more for being a bigot, Donnie or Julien. Maybe both. Maybe she should on national broadcast. 

“Donnie oppa, you know how dramas work,” Seulgi teasingly says, interrupting Sooyoung’s ebbing fury. “A good drama is never complete without a good romance for the audience to look forward to.”

Just like that, the levity is brought back into the room. Seulgi seemingly unaware of the tension as she pats Sooyoung's shoulder. The touch is a bit awkward, mostly from Sooyoung's end because she wasn't expecting it, but she takes it in stride.

Sooyoung is thankful for the brief interruption by Seulgi to collect her thoughts. “And as always, I’m thankful for my fans for supporting all of my endeavors. Like I said, Jieun is a very passionate character who will fight for what she believes in, so I hope that she is well received for that aspect.” 

Seulgi and Heechul both audibly agree with Seulgi adding, “In terms of romance, it’s been awhile since Julien and I have been on screen together.” 

Julien perks up at the mention. “That’s right.” He looks at Seulgi with a charming smile. “It’s nice to work with my pretty friend again.” 

Sooyoung bites the urge to gag at his flirting. 

Seulgi lightheartedly chuckles and pats him on the shoulder. The sound is firmer than Sooyoung expects to hear and she glances back at Seulgi leaving her hand on his shoulder with a cheeky smile. 

“I hope that as the story develops, you’ll be able to see that love is love,” Seulgi finishes with an affirmative nod to Heechul and Sooyoung.

“Well said, Seulgi-ah,” Heechul agrees with a small clap. 

Sooyoung is stunned by her words, leaving her speechless as she nods. Seulgi shoots her a big eye smile that eases the tension in her chest and she smiles back, feeling oddly grateful for her words. But something also wrenches inside of her because Seulgi is completely unaware of how difficult this is for Sooyoung. Sooyoung can't always expect Seulgi to come to her rescue.

\---------------------

The promotion for the next few weeks only grows more intense as they start to travel the week before filming. Sooyoung finally finds her footing because her _Fight for Your Love_ schedule ends just as they have to film a handful of radio shows and interviews, allowing her to spend more time with her co-stars. 

Heechul is officially her favorite because otherwise, she probably would’ve killed Julien ten times over for any implication over her sexuality and her kinship with Jieun. It’s good that she gets along with Heechul, it’ll make it easier for them to act together when they start filming scenes. On top of that, their senior, Sung Dong Il, never ceases to entertain them with his fatherly humor, which is a stark difference from his villainous role. 

They’re in Daegu for interviews and commercial films and teaser films that by the end of the day the only thing that keeps Sooyoung from entirely collapsing is escaping the clutches of her castmates so that she can go find Joohyun unnie. 

“Are you not coming for drinks with us?” Heechul asks, catching her by the arm as she nearly runs out of the conference ballroom. He looks more concerned than anything.

Sooyoung shakes her head. “Not tonight, I’m actually meeting someone,” she chirps, unable to contain her excitement. 

“Ah, date?” Heechul teases. 

Sooyoung chuckles and shakes her head. She holds onto his hand that’s still on her arm and leans in. She feels comfortable to share this tiny bit of information with him. “I’m going to see Joohyun unnie.” 

Heechul’s eyes widen at the mention. “Oh,” he seems surprised at the sound of her name. His brows are downcast as he stares at Sooyoung. “How has she been?” he asks quietly with sincerity in his eyes.

Sooyoung smiles at him warmly, glad that as a former co-star, Heechul honestly still cares about her well being. “I’m going to find out,” she shares like it’s a secret. “And I will report back to you.” 

Heechul chuckles at her playful demeanor and lets her go. “Okay, okay.” He waves her off. “Have fun. Be safe.” 

Sooyoung shoots him a toothy smile and wave. “Bye, oppa!” 

\---------------------

It feels like sweet relief to see Joohyun unnie. She looks healthy, her cheeks actually looking more plump than before the whole scandal. Not that she isn’t pretty because Joohyun still looks like a goddess, but there’s something more to her now. Like a veil has been lifted. 

Sooyoung practically lifts the smaller actress in the air when she opens the door to her new condo. 

“Yah!” Joohyun growls at the sudden lift and slaps at Sooyoung’s shoulders. “Put me down right now!” 

Sooyoung laughs heartily as she puts Joohyun down in the condo and shuts the door behind her. “Let me see you, unnie!” she says excitedly as she reaches for her hands. She inspects the woman with shining eyes. “You look beautiful.” 

Joohyun scoffs as she tugs her hands free from Sooyoung’s. “Shut up,” she brushes off. She lazily pads off, in her sweatpants and baggy t-shirt, towards the wine fridge beside the sink. “Red or white?” 

Sooyoung lets out a loud groan as she kicks off her heels and tosses her purse on the counter. “Soju, please!” 

“That bad?” Joohyun has a lilt in her voice as she looks at the younger actress. She makes her way to the fridge to pull out one of the many bottles of soju to place before Sooyoung as she takes her seat at one of the high chairs across the marble top island. 

Seeing the bottles of soju in her fridge worried Sooyoung for a brief moment before she picks up the old promotional bottle. The label had dropped Joohyun after a week of her scandal. 

Joohyun rounds the island to sit beside Sooyoung, setting down two glasses. She grabs the bottle from Sooyoung’s hand and expertly opens the bottle like she had learned to do for the CFs. There’s a small smile on her face as she pours for Sooyoung before herself. 

“I’ve been following your promotions,” Joohyun notes as she puts down the bottle. “It seems like everyone is trying to get a rise out of you.” 

Sooyoung groans as she picks up her glass. “You have no idea,” she laments as she takes the entire shot in one go. “If I get one more comment about my characters’ sexuality or my sexuality, I might actually snap. I know Wendy unnie says to stay calm and take everything with a grain of salt, but there’s only so much ignorance I can bear. Why is it such a big deal if I play someone straight or not?” 

“You know how this country is,” Joohyun says sympathetically as she takes a sip. “We have standards that we have to meet in the public’s eye. If we do anything different, deviant, we get scrutinized.” 

“It’s not fair!” Sooyoung unloads. It’s been months since she’s had someone she could talk freely to. It's not fair that her unnie is basically in hiding for a scandal that isn't her fault. Even though Sooyoung doesn't know the entire story, she's sure of it. Joohyun unnie is the warmest person she knows. “People are more than labels; they’re not things that you put into boxes of categories. It’s part of who I am, but it’s not my entirety.” 

Joohyun hums in agreement and she finishes her drink. She pours Sooyoung another glass and herself. “I’m sorry,” she says. 

Sooyoung feels her heart ache at the sudden apology. She looks to Joohyun, who stares pensively at the glass before holding it up to Sooyoung with a small smile. “Why are you sorry?” She picks up her glass and clinks it against Joohyun’s. 

“I’m sorry that you can’t be all of you right now,” Joohyun says almost omnisciently. 

Sooyoung’s heart definitely aches because Joohyun means it. And it’s not like she’s been waiting for someone to say it, but to hear it, makes her feel vulnerable. “You know what’s going on?” she quickly drinks to get rid of the lump in her throat. 

Joohyun nods, drinking her soju. “Seungwan explained the situation to me.” 

Sooyoung nods. The alcohol hitting her faster than she wants because she feels overwhelmed with emotions. “It’s so stupid,” she whines, trying to hide how sad she sounds. “How could the company do this to me? How could they hold my hard work hostage like this? I don’t even want to do this drama, but if I don’t then I can’t get the profits from _Fight for Your Love_. And even when the drama is over, I still have two years on my contract.” 

“When the drama is over, you could go back to doing your indie movies,” Joohyun suggests hopefully. 

Sooyoung lets out a wry chuckle. “Are you kidding me? I’m working with _Kang Seulgi_. **The** _Kang Seulgi_ , the nation’s beloved actress. CEO Kim knew what he was doing when he put me on this project; he wants me to keep making money.” She hangs her head over the counter, shoulders slumped as she clutches the glass in her hand. 

Joohyun pats the middle of her back comfortingly. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” she softly says. Sooyoung tries to internalize Joohyun’s words. And after a brief moment, the older actress adds, “At least, Kang Seulgi seems to be on your side.” 

At the mention of the woman, Sooyoung lets out a loud yell in frustration that startles Joohyun into covering her ears. 

“Don’t get me started on her!” Sooyoung exclaims just as loud as she yells. She feels her body get hot as she thinks about her co-star. Her cute round cheeks. Her perfect eye smile. Her charming personality. Her witty brain. Her fucking hot body. _Why does she have to be so perfect?!_

Sooyoung yells again before gulping down her soju, only to realize her glass has been empty. She lets out a pitiful groan before dropping her head onto the counter. 

Beside her, there’s a stifled chuckle that grows louder with each second. Joohyun is laughing. Sooyoung quickly picks up her head and feels the haziness seem to hit her. 

“Why are you laughing?” she snaps at the older woman.

Her cheeks are turning pink as she laughs. “ _Sooyoungie_ , do you have a **crush** on Kang Seulgi?” Joohyun asks through fits of giggles. 

Sooyoung feels like a snapped rubber band as she sobers up. “Yah! Unnie, why would you think that?!” she screeches in protest. “I could--I would _never_ have a crush on Kang Seulgi. Are you crazy?” 

“So what? You don’t like her cute cheeks, or her eye smile, or charming personality, or her witty brain, or her _fucking_ _hot_ _body_?” Joohyun shares the laundry list that was supposed to be only in her thoughts. 

Sooyoung’s jaw drops at the realization that she might’ve said all of those things out loud and quickly covers her mouth. “Shut up!” she protests before covering her mouth again. “Just because I said it, does not mean I have a crush on her!” Her eyes widen with mortification and she slaps her mouth. “Stupid stupid mouth, why did you say those things?” 

Joohyun lets out a loud laugh. Even a bit tipsy, Sooyoung can tell that her laugh has changed, sounding more hearty and full for some reason. 

Through the commotion, they hear the lock click and Wendy pushes open the door carrying two bags of food. 

“Unnie!” Sooyoung yells for Wendy as her salvation because Joohyun continues to maniacally laugh at her. “Joohyun unnie is being mean to me!” 

“I am not!” Joohyun argues as she clutches her stomach. “You won’t believe what she just told me!” 

The manager looks at the state of the tipsy actresses and shakes her head, kicking the door shut behind her. “Aigoo, you two. I’m only gone for twenty minutes and you drank a whole bottle?” She stands between them to put the food down and pick up the bottle. 

Sooyoung frowns and just as she’s about to throw her arms around Wendy’s shoulders, Wendy gets pulled away from her. She nearly falls out of her chair and has to right herself before she sees what goes on before her. She has to rub her eyes to make sure she sees it correctly. Joohyun slips her arms around Wendy’s waist and buries her face into her neck, obviously placing a kiss that makes Wendy shy away. 

“Joohyun…” Wendy chides gently as she pries the older woman’s hands off her waist. Her efforts are futile as Joohyun pulls her back even harder without any regard for the fact that she’s still sitting on a barstool. 

Sooyoung blinks at the two women before her. She rubs her eyes again as she deciphers what’s going on. “Are you two--?” 

There’s a lazy smile on Joohyun’s face as she looks at Wendy, chin propped on the younger’s shoulder. She looks content as if her career wasn’t in shambles. While Wendy shyly avoids Sooyoung’s eye contact as she’s trapped in Joohyun’s vice grip. Joohyun's hands are not where they are supposed to be for someone she calls her manager. And the kissing. The neck kissing!

Sooyoung gasps loudly, sitting straight up with wide eyes. “Oh my god! Ew!” She grabs a bag of food. “Not in front of my chicken!” 

The three women spend the next couple hours teetering between sobriety and inebriation thanks to the conversation and the food. Sooyoung tells them she feels wholly betrayed because Wendy left her post as her manager to manage Joohyun unnie. _Ew_. But she can't help but force the two women to tell her how their relationship came about. It can't be helped, Sooyoung is a romantic. And it explains Wendy's abrupt transfer to Joohyun.

Despite how grossly cute they actually are together, Sooyoung is relieved that Joohyun has someone like Wendy to take care of her. Wendy has always taken care of Sooyoung well because it was her job, but Wendy has always adored Joohyun. It makes more and more sense how they came together because Wendy has always been a dependable friend to Joohyun. Better yet, it seems like Joohyun has some goals for herself. She complains that therapy sucks but it’s been helping her resolve some issues she’s long since ignored that brought her to lose sight of herself over the years. It feels strange to hear her unnie’s problems brought to light, but she feels closer to the older woman.  It makes it easier to talk about her own struggles when she knows she isn’t alone in these small battles. Maybe she can also control her temper and fight these battles like she isn't constantly losing.

Of course the touching conversation doesn’t stop the teasing from coming. Joohyun unnie is the worst because she acts as if Sooyoung is in love with Kang Seulgi. At least, Wendy will call it a cross between infatuation and crush. 

“I think you’re thinking a lot about her because she intrigues you,” Wendy sagely says as she hums into her glass. “She’s different from all the terrible people in the industry.” 

“Why can’t she be one of those terrible people?” Sooyoung blatantly asks, clearly loose lipped from the alcohol. “At least I’ll be able to tell her intentions.”

“Maybe that’s just how she is,” Joohyun says as she picks at the bibimbap. “I’ve worked with Kang Seulgi and she is still pretty much how you describe her. Although, she's gotten hotter.” Wendy's chopstick hit the bottom of the bowl with a click and she looks at Joohyun with a pointed glare. Joohyun responds with a waggle of her eyebrows and leans in to kiss her cheek to ameliorate her jealousy.

Sooyoung gags on her chicken. "Stop being gross you two." They look at her apologetically before letting her continue. “She can’t be that perfect,” Sooyoung insists. “There has to be something wrong with her.” 

“Why do you want something to be wrong with her?” Wendy counters. “Isn’t it a good thing that you have a sunbae who is on your side and takes care of you? Not everyone is so lucky.” 

“I mean look at me, I’m fucking awful,” Joohyun chirps with her mouth full. Wendy frowns and pinches Joohyun’s side, causing her to yelp. “What was that for?” 

Wendy clicks her tongue at the older woman. “Tell me you’re awful again,” she threatens. Joohyun rolls her eyes and finishes chewing before she takes another drink. 

Sooyoung furrows her brows at the couple. She’s still trying to understand their dynamic with Joohyun's changed attitude. Joohyun has never been the type to be openly affectionate or even self deprecating, but she won’t comment on it. 

“So? Why can’t you just accept Kang Seulgi for who she is?” Wendy redirects the conversation easily. 

Sooyoung mulls her thoughts over with a piece of chicken. “I feel like she’s being nice to me because she wants to be close to me. It’s like she wants to get to know me.” She shivers at the thought. “It’s weird.” 

“Weird because you're still not used to getting close to girls or….” Wendy trails off for Sooyoung to think about it.

“I don’t know, Kang Seulgi is such a national figure,” Sooyoung points out. “Everyone who knows her loves her and it’s just weird that she still wants to talk to me, considering I’m a bit of a black sheep in the industry at the moment.” 

Wendy frowns sympathetically at Sooyoung. "You're not a black sheep. You've got a lot of fans that still love and respect you. Some even more so because of how well you portrayed Jisoo. Just because the older and conservative population of South Korea isn't thrilled about it, doesn't mean anything when you gave one of your best performances to a character you really love."

Sooyoung takes Wendy's words in because the older woman is right. Jisoo is a character that she was able to express herself. A young woman, coming of age, finding herself and her sexuality, and loving herself against all of the people that hate her. Jisoo is a proud lesbian and honestly, Sooyoung can pride herself in being bisexual even if she can outwardly say it. But there are these moments, where she hears the ignorant comments, the bigoted remarks, the gross fetishization, and she feels wrong. 

Sooyoung shakes her head of the negativity, trying to focus on Wendy's words. She takes a large swig of her drink to focus herself. "You're right, unnie. They can keep saying whatever they want as they hide behind their gilded personalities. I have to keep being me. I have to be true to myself as I've been able to do with Jisoo, it's the least I can do." 

Joohyun suddenly grunts. The two younger women look at her staring off, chewing on the tip of the chopstick thoughtfully. She doesn’t look at the two women as she speaks, clearly lost in thought. “Kang Seulgi, a woman on a pedestal. Hmm, it’s lonely up there by yourself. Maybe she wants a friend to keep her feet on the ground. Someone as real as she is.” Joohyun hums with a nod, like she figured it out and continues eating. The look on her face is even more peaceful than before as she chews on her tteokbokki happily. 

Sooyoung gapes at the older woman and looks at Wendy. “What was that?" 

Wendy shrugs just as unsure as Sooyoung is. "I think it's her inner monologue." 

"Has she always done that?” Sooyoung looks at her unnie curiously. "It's like an oracle stepped in her body for a brief moment." 

Wendy pats Irene on the shoulder, watching as the older woman presses her lips together to smile at Wendy and proceeds to eat, before looking at Sooyoung. “I think Joohyun unnie has always done it, but now she vocalizes herself more."

“It helps me unpack things,” Joohyun says absently. Her sudden interjection startles Sooyoung because she honestly thought the older woman stopped listening. "Sometimes, when you just keep everything inside, it becomes a jumble mess. How else do you keep what's real and what's fake in order?" 

It makes sense but it's not like Sooyoung knows where it's coming from. Joohyun hasn't shared everything with her quite yet. But Sooyoung can't help but feel relieved at her unnie. “I’m really glad you’re doing better, unnie.”

Joohyun continues to eat with one hand and blindly picks up her glass with the other. “Geonbae.” 

Wendy and Sooyoung chuckle as they raise their glasses. “Geonbae!” 

\---------------------

It’s just past midnight when Sooyoung makes her way back to the hotel. She decides to come back when Joohyun unnie grabs Wendy by the waist and tells her to get ready for bed. Wendy turns red so quick that Sooyoung doesn’t have time to tease her about being such a bottom because she quickly disappears into the bedroom. Joohyun not so kindly offers her to stay if she can bear the noise. 

Needless to say, Sooyoung makes the extra effort to go back to the hotel even though they’re scheduled for brunch the next day. Plus at least she can sleep in on a comfortable bed and be spared hearing her unnies’ sex noises. _Ew. Ew. **Ew**. They are her unnies!_

There’s a bit of sway to her walk as she makes her way to her room. She feels light on her feet and light in her heart because she was able to talk to her two favorite women. Whatever worries she has about _Trial by Fire_ and Kang Seulgi can wait until she gets back to Seoul. 

_ A woman on a pedestal.  _

Sooyoung chuckles to herself. It’s both beautiful and sad to think of. 

“You’re back.” 

Sooyoung picks up her head at the voice of the woman in her thoughts. 

Kang Seulgi is still dressed in her clothes from the interview. The sleeveless, short collared sensible black dress that touches just above her knees paired with ankle boots that emphasize her calves. At her feet is her tan peacoat crumpled against the door. 

“Oh, Seulgi-ssi,” Sooyoung greets aloud. “Hi, what’re you doing here?” She tries to salvage whatever sobriety she can as she approaches the woman. 

“I was worried about you,” Seulgi bites the inside of her cheek as she speaks to Sooyoung. “Heechul said you went to see a friend, but he didn’t know who.” The funny thing is Seulgi sounds and looks completely worried. 

Sooyoung can’t believe it. She glances at the peacoat at Seulgi’s feet. “How long have you been waiting?” 

Seulgi looks up at Sooyoung. “Not long, we just got back from the bar,” she answers. She bites her lip with uncertainty as she stares at Sooyoung. “Where did you go tonight?” 

Sooyoung is distracted by Seulgi biting her lip. “I just went to see an old friend.” 

Seulgi purses her lips and nods thoughtfully. “Did you have fun?” She looks up at Sooyoung through hooded eyes. 

“Yeah,” Sooyoung feels like her throat is dry as Seulgi stares up at her with rosy cheeks. She can smell the faint scent of barbeque and somaek from the older actress. The air feels thick between the two, stifling because they’re standing so close. 

“What did you do?” Seulgi drags on. 

“Uhm...we drank and talked.” She tries to find it in her to breathe, but she can also smell Seulgi’s expensive perfume. _It’s Dior_. “We ate chicken.” 

Seulgi smiles, her eyes briefly shutting with a content sigh as she leans closer to Sooyoung, her breath hitting her chin and neck. “That sounds nice,” she murmurs. Her voice is low, tone deep and soothing that Sooyoung swallows harder. “We had kalbi and bulgogi and steak." She chuckles, probably tipsy like Sooyoung to conspiratorially add. "But chicken is my favorite.” 

Sooyoung grunts because the words are all caught in the back of her throat. Seulgi is _too_ close. She’s so close that all she can feel, hear, and smell is Kang Seulgi. When she glances down, she sees Seulgi lick her lips before biting her lips and Sooyoung tenses her entire body. Because if she doesn’t stop herself now, she’ll lean down and taste those lips. She looks away, beyond Seulgi’s head to her door, wondering how she can get there through Seulgi. 

Suddenly, she feels arms snaking around her waist and Seulgi’s firm body pressing against hers in a tight hug. Sooyoung tenses at the intimacy as Seulgi holds her tightly and buries her face under her chin, hot breath down the column of her throat, lips brushing against the ridges. She doesn’t know what to do as her arms automatically lift into the air. 

Sooyoung is scared to touch Seulgi. As if the woman is made of glass. Something precious. 

_ It’s lonely up there by yourself.  _

_ Maybe she wants a friend to keep her feet on the ground. _

There’s wetness at her neck.

Followed by a sniffle. 

Sooyoung is pulled from her thoughts as Seulgi sniffles against her neck. She looks down at the woman but can’t tell if she’s crying. After a moment, Seulgi’s shoulder bobs up and down and her sniffles get louder. 

Sooyoung frowns and slowly steps forward, pushing Seulgi back until her back hits the door. The older woman doesn't let go, in fact, she holds on more tightly that Sooyoung gasps at the contact. Using all the will she can muster, Sooyoung presses a hand against the door beside Seulgi’s head as leverage to peel herself from Seulgi’s grip. 

Now that she can see the older woman, Seulgi is crying, tears streaking down her cheeks as she tries to wipe them away. 

Sooyoung feels her heart wrench at the sight. She’s so used to seeing Seulgi smiling that seeing her cry makes her want to cry. She awkwardly grabs the older woman’s shoulders, unsure of how to best comfort her. “Seulgi-ssi…” she tentatively calls out. 

Seulgi lets out a small sob. “Why?” Seulgi snaps. Sooyoung pauses. “ _Why_ do you call me Seulgi-ssi?” 

Sooyoung flaps her mouth open and shut at the sudden question. “That’s...your name,” she dumbly says after a moment.

“Why?” Seulgi repeats, this time more demanding. “Why does it have to be Seulgi-ssi?” It’s like the tears are coming down from a broken faucet. She groans as she brushes the tears from her cheeks furiously. “You call Heechul and Dung Il sunbae, oppa. You even call Julien, Julien. Why? Why am I Seulgi-ssi?” 

Sooyoung’s brain stutters as she tries to comfort the shorter woman. “B-because we’re not close?” she answers carefully. 

Kang Seulgi suddenly bursts. The hands wiping her tears furiously come up and push Sooyoung’s hands off of her shoulders. “Why?!” she exclaims louder than before. Sooyoung feels her heart jump at how demanding Seulgi sounds in that moment. “Why can’t we be close?” Before Sooyoung can even process Seulgi’s words, she feels two fists pound against her chest and knock the air out of her lungs. “Huh?! Why can’t we be close too?” 

Sooyoung thanks all the gods that she can breathe because the two hits Seulgi landed are already sore. She was really startled. And she’s even more startled when Seulgi begins to ball up her fist and pound at her chest again. This time she yelps because Seulgi hits her boob really hard. 

“Why are you so mean?” Seulgi whines as she aims to hit her again. Sooyoung catches Seulgi’s wrists and holds it tightly because the older woman is freakishly strong. “Why can’t we be close, Park Joy?” 

Funny enough, she’s still crying and if Sooyoung wasn’t so concerned about getting punched in her boobs, she would laugh. It’s like a scene from a drama she’s watched before.

Except when Seulgi pushes against her grip weakly and mutters, “Why do you hate me so much?” The hurt in Seulgi’s voice catches Sooyoung off guard. “What did I do to make you hate me? I’m sorry if I hurt you. I didn't mean it. I just want to get to know you. I just want to get close to you.” She stops fighting against Sooyoung and slumps back against the door with a tired sigh. She sniffles sadly and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry.” Her voice is smaller as she sniffles and wipes. Her sobs grow quiet after a moment, but there’s a sad frown on her face and the tears are still falling. The back of her hand is utterly useless to wipe her tears well. Her cheeks are getting rubbed red as she keeps wiping. 

Sooyoung doesn’t know what to say. She feels a heaviness in her heart as Seulgi stands before her, trying to stop herself from crying anymore. The older woman looks and sounds hurt in a way that Sooyoung didn’t realize was possible. 

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Seulgi rasps one last time, feeling her throat completely dry. She swallows audibly and picks up her gaze from the ground. She pushes herself off Sooyoung’s door and starts to walk off. 

Sooyoung instinctively reaches out to stop her. Her heart clenches inside of her so hard. She understands hurt and pain. She’s forged armor around her heart to protect herself from harsh realities of the industry, but Seulgi exists. Seulgi has been in it longer than her, twice as long, and she has the strength to smile day to day, almost invincible. And right now, she isn’t. She’s hurt and she shouldn’t be alone. Sooyoung understands that. 

Sooyoung pulls Seulgi back into her arms and holds her as tight as she can. 

_ It’s lonely up there by yourself.  _

_ Maybe she wants a friend to keep her feet on the ground. _

_ Someone as real as she is. _

**Author's Note:**

> can find me at asianfanfics or tumblr with the same: maknae-mess


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